This is a report from our inside source on the move of the company [name removed for security reasons] from a 20-year old building to new facilities.

Excitement about the move spread among company employees early this year when December was announced as the month of the switch-over. Failing furniture, old equipment and ever unstable internet connections were just some of the reasons the 800+ employees of the local branch were looking forward to pack up their stuff.

Much discussion was caused by the new seating arrangement. Currently all of the employees are enjoying offices which they share with two to five colleagues. In the new building there will be ‘open spaces’ – a design which does not appeal to anyone. Why it is better to trade privacy and team rooms for open spaces where colleagues do not even sit together with their teams anymore is anybody’s guess. It is reported that even colleagues who handle sensitive information (especially by phone) will not receive a closed space. Last minute re-arrangements of the seating plan have caused even more confusion and tantrums. Our inside source is very unhappy with her new placement but hopes to switch places with a colleague once the move is over and everyone has settled down.

Still, when the official date of 12/19 was declared and boxes were made available for packing, almost everyone went eagerly to work, cleaning out cupboards which had not been opened in months, throwing away tons of papers which were alreay yellowing and hundreds of other old office stationary items which were literally falling apart.

Our inside source reports it is quite a sight to see hundreds of people crawling through their rooms, sorting through stuff and watch the stacks of boxes mounting higher and higher. Surprisingly enough, many rooms look much larger now that they are virtually empty than when they still featured calendars on the walls or large plants for decoration. It’s been reported that some employees are surprised how much office space was available to them. The nostalgic expressions on their faces already mirror the inside dread they feel about the new open work space.

While the clean out was certainly necessary and helpful, it also had a downside: the disposal of perfectly good material. Namely: folders and ring binders.

“Ring binders by the bushel! Ring binders by the pound! Ring binders for all occasions!”
- Londo Mollari, Babylon 5, ‘The Parliament of Dreams’ (slightly adjusted quote)

Apart from it being not very economical to throw away things in perfect condition (partly not even used once), it’s also a huge strain on the environment. Our inside source is a vehement environmentalist and has joined the very few colleagues diving through the heaps of trash accumulting in front of the maintenance elevator, picking out ring binders. Mainly, because said inside source has the nasty feeling that in the next year there will be a shortage of ring binders within the company and due to the current economic situation new orders will not be possible.

A quite annoying side effect of the move, not noted anywhere before, is thirst. It seems that the facility management is convinced that packing stuff, carrying pounds of trash down long corridors, and cleaning out dusty cabinets is not going to raise the demand for water. Following this line of thought combined with the urge to save the company money (no, we will not say: ‘ring binders!!’), the water fountains are dried out now and will not be restocked for the rest of the one-and-a-half working days. It is to be expected that the last people leaving the building will crawl on all fours, desperately sticking out their tongue to catch the odd drop of rain to quell their thirst. Some employees have been seen sticking their heads out of the window and gazing longingly at the sky, but currently no rain is in sight.

We will continue our report on the situation and wish our inside source luck to get out before dehydration sets in. It is not yet known how said source plans to transport four full boxes of ring binders, but we expect an update next week. Stay tuned.

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