First off one or two warnings: a) this report will feature men without pants (yes, I am using the plural for a reason) and b) it will be more like a picture story. No real, deep content here. For my German readers: much like a BILD special issue  

John Billingsley, to us scifi geeks best known as Dr. Phlox of Enterprise, had already made himself stand out from the other actors during the opening ceremony. He came out on stage, wearing a black shirt with Marc B. Lee’s head printed on it.

A couple of years ago, I was send this shirt with the instructions, ‘When you see Marc, please give him this shirt’. So, finally I can do that.

And to the surprise of the audience, John Billingsley pulled off the shirt and threw it at a perplexed and laughing Marc. The audience went wild, while Dominic Keating graciously provided his half naked colleague with a spare shirt.

That was the Opening Ceremony. I had no idea that this had only been a foreplay for what was to follow. Or to put it this way: after the panel I understood why John Billingsley had been given the slot so late (and I still wonder if he could have done the panel this way in the US. Maybe some of my US readers can elaborate on that. Marc?)

John Billingsley came on stage in a t-shirt and boxers. I kid you not.

I was sitting right in front of the stage, my DVD-Crew identity card granting me this unique position, and I almost dropped my camera in surprise. That was somewhat unexpected. But the audience loved it and went wild.

John Billingsley surprised the audience

He introduced himself and when he mentioned that his wife – actress Bonita Friederici – was also in Germany, a sharp voice yelled from the audience:

Bonita: “John, why can’t you leave your pants on?”
John (grinning): “That’s my wife.”

Before he could continue, Bonita stormed on stage, John’s pants in her hands. But her husband refused to put them on and instead started to take questions from the audience. Bonita Friederici was unperturbed by that, knelt down in front of her husband and started to put his pants on him. I can’t even remember the question that was asked, I was laughing so hard.

Bonita’s comment: At home I do this all the time.

When she had succeeded, John’s wife left the stage and the first thing our Dr. Phlox did was undressing again. Not even the sharp reminder yelled by his wife could stop him and by the time she’d reclaimed the stage, he had hurriedly and successfully taken his pants off. When his wife went to start the dress procedure again, he complained:

Why are you doing that? It’s not like they’re going to stay on?! But I am teaching you [he pointed at the audience] a new word: pansing! Means: taking someone’s pants off.

Nevertheless, Bonita put the pants back on him. As soon as she was off the stage, he took them off. By this time, the whole audience was in hysteria. The verbal banter of the couple, together with their comedic performance, was just too much to take after such an eventful and exhausting day. People lay slumped in their chairs, gasping for air, holding their hurting bellies, but no one could stop laughing.

When Bonita Friederici returned to dress her husband up a third time, she was kneeling right in front of him in a … uhm, questionable position. That was when a fan asked:

Fan: “How was it for you to play a serial killer in a crime show?”
John (looking down at his wife kneeling with her face on his waist level): “Uhm, you know, I feel rather weird answering that question in this situation.”

John Billingsley and his wife go R-Rated.

Needless to say, the entire Mainbridge roared. But in the meantime Bonita had tricked her husband. While he was distracted by answering questions, she had put his pants on him backwards! When John Billingsley tried next to strip down, he was momentarily confused by the lack of the belt buckle. Watching himself on the large screen that provided live coverage of his panel, he understood why.

John Billingsley thinks: Something’s ain’t right here.

But the fun didn’t stop simply because John kept his pants on. Now he was trying to make other people take their clothing off. First was a fan on the main floor. John raced to her and while she was trying to formulate a question to his wife, John took out his wallet and a couple of bills and announced loud and clear:

I am going to throw bills on the floor until you take off your skirt.

Credit goes to the fan who played along and eventually got dragged on stage where she almost won a verbal battle with the two actors. I guess only the fact that English was not her native tongue (though she spoke it very well) prevented her from outsmarting John and Bonita.

Bonita is trying to stop the fans firing on her husband: Don’t feed the John!

John ventured into the audience again and just stole a fan’s place at the mic to ask his wife a question.

Bonita, I am your biggest fan. Please tell me…

Needless to say, at this time the audience just screamed for kiss between the hilarious couple and they did not disappoint us:

Oh yeah!

In the meantime, Marc (our master of ceremonies), decided to tease John a little and walked along the length of the stage with a beer glass in hand. Transfixed, John stared at it.

Beer! Shiny!

Then his predatory Phlox instincts kicked in and he raced after Marc, off the stage. By this time, I was sitting in the front row and all I could do was draw my legs up to my chest to avoid Marc or John tripping over them while pointing my camera in their general direction and pressing the release button.

Yours truly almost being flattened by the MoC and John Billingsley

Needless to say, John and his wife made a superb team and cornered Marc finally on stage, relieving him of the beer.

Predators at work at FedCon 18

Fruit of hard labor

When another fan failed to ask her question because her microphone wasn’t working properly, John wasted no time and raced up to the balcony. While he was bantering with the flattered fan, Marc took the chance  for retribution, sneaked on stage and smothered Bonita with kisses.  When John yelled in protest from the balcony, Marc grinned. ‘That happens if you leave your wife unattended on stage!‘

Marc B. Lee and Bonita Friederici make out on stage while John Billingsley is on the balcony

John wasted no time: he raced back while Marc dashed off stage, but it was no use. The Master of Ceremonies got dragged back into the stage lights by the actor. Marc’s properly ashamed expression changed abruptly to alarmed when John announced him to become an example to the practice of pansing.

Maybe we should turn this into a comic ’strip’?

John delegated the task of diverting Marc to his wife while he tried to unbuckle Marc’s belt, who was trying to call – literally – for help.

Marc B. Lee calls for help while John Billingsley tries to strip him

At this time, I nearly slipped off my chair because I was laughing so hard. Judging from the sounds around me, I wasn’t the only one going into hyperventilation. It did not help that the technicians reacted promptly and changed the stage light from whitish blue to a suggestive red. When Bonita’s attempts proved fruitless, she and her husband switched places. More or less gently, John blocked Marc’s way off the stage while Bonita unbuckled the belt (she did seem to have a lot of practice with that).

The only thing missing was the strip bar music :D

Just before the clothes fell, Marc raced off the stage, Bonita in hot pursuit. Only mangled sounds were heard through their microphones when suddenly John Billingsley started to child-like jump up and down on the stage. Bonita emerged victoriously to a roaring audience with Marc’s pants in her hands.

Look what I’ve got! Bonita with Marc’s pants.

Marc B. Lee really wants his pants back from Bonita Friederici

Graciously, Bonita handed them back and only when he had almost disappeared, Marc let his jacket fall down:

I need a stronger zoom lens *harhar*

Needless to say, when the panel ended shortly after, the audience was still in hysteria, but utterly exhausted and spent. Until you have been in a show like this – and it really was more a show than a panel – you don’t know how much extensive laughing can hurt and exhaust.

The amazing John Billingsley and Bonita Friederici

To sum it up: John Billingsley’s and Bonita Friederici’s panel was easily the funniest thing I’ve ever seen. When you get the chance to see one or both of them, take it. You won’t regret it. And thanks to Marc for being such a great sport.

For more pictures, please visit my photo gallery of FedCon at In The Moment.

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