Have you ever gone through a time in your life that you felt comes pretty close to what hell must be like? I guess so - if not, you are incredibly lucky.

Fate struck me last year … and it struck me hard and more than once. On September 8, 2007, I received the news that a friend had died. He was just 22 years old and died when his car got off the road and hit a tree … the only tree in about 30-40 yards around. Why? We don’t know. No alcohol was involved, but we didn’t need the police confirming that. Our friend had been a very responsible person, you could trust him.
One day later, on September 9, 2007, my fiancè and I admitted defeat … our relationship wasn’t going to work out. The death of our friend had us both rethink our life, our goals and what was behind us … being acutely aware that we only have this one short life to get the best out of it. So, within 24 hours, I lost two people close to me.
So, by the end of September I moved into my own apartment, leaving behind a six year relationship … and my whole life up to this point. I didn’t regret those years. The time with my fiancé has enriched me: I like the person I am now a lot more than the person I was before I met him. He helped me become that person and I hope that I could leave a positive foot print in his life as well.
Nevertheless, having to take two hits of this magnitude almost at once had me struggling throughout October. I actually had to write my final thesis for college, with a due date at December 3. I didn’t make it of course and I applied in time for extension (new deadline March 3).
Just when I thought I was getting back on track again, another news hit me: three friends from overseas (U.S.) had passed away as well.

That might be a moment you want to take a deep, deep breath. I had to. It was like the world was moving beneath my feet but I was just watching as the days went on by. It was just beyond my comprehension how something like that could happen … in such a short time.

It took all of my strength to re-focus, to get on with life. My thanks go out to my friends, who listened to me rambling about what a bad place this world is. Who stood and sat by me and let me cry, providing a shoulder and a Kleenex when I needed it. My thanks go out to my friends on the internet, who wrote me encouraging mails in the dead of night so I’d have something to look forward to when I got up early the next day. And, as weird as it may sound, my thanks go to JMS (Joe Michael Straczynski), the writer and creator of the TV show Babylon 5. The show was my lifeline in those months, something I could lose myself in when reality got to hard to bear. Something that gave me hope when I thought there wasn’t any. Thanks to all of you. Again.

So, I was really looking forward to end of 2007. I’ve never had a year like this and I hope I will never ever again have something similar. I took the time on December 31 to remember: My friends and my relationship, all the good times that made me laugh. I cried a lot that day, but I needed to get the pain out of me. And in the evening I partied with my friends until midnight, raising my glass to fond memories and to a better year to come.

To absent friends. In memory … still bright.
John Sheridan, Babylon 5, »Sleeping in Light«